Monday, 27 September 2010

Battle of Britain Bicycle Fly-past

Veterans of the last two World Wars will attempt a bicycle fly-past along the St. Albans Road, today. .................................................................................... SCHEDULE IS: 09.30 - assemble on the sunken wreck at the corner of Leavesden and Lowestoft Roads. De-brief and note weather conditions. 09.35 - roll out to agreed destinations 09.45 - arrive at CMHS HQ, Upton Road, for freelance Bombing Raid and tea coffee with friends/deadly foes 12-00 - 2nd de-briefing, or free time for participants thereafter ____________________________________________________________________________________ EQUIPMENT: Biscuit tin plus small packet of edibles to share. Moustachioed disguise, or similar for ladies, so as to not look too suspicious. Treasured item to be left in the wake. Legal tender for bartering, gambling and flashing around. This is a first operation to see if Watford Crime Partnership can play nicely together, or whether are really just a bunch of disorganised Yobs. We will be going behind enemy lines, into a locked facility. Expect the unexpected. We shall count them all out and count them all back in again. We shall NEVER AGAIN surrender!

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Word of the day: mulcted

A quick tip for Global Jihadists and mental health patients who might suffer from 'a slight muzziness'

I had quite a break-through yesterday, in my campaign to avoid a 'flame war' developing between the Universal Church of Orthodox Spaghetti Monster Fans and the Royal College of Psychiatrists' yoga club. The thing is, learn to tread very carefully as soon as you realise that your position is extremely finely balanced. My wife tends to type articles in longhand first, then slash and burn the deadwood out of her essays at a later date, I on the other hand, being a philosophical tight-rope walker, logician, and the world's first semi-professional Wobble-omit'rest, pedant and games-master, likes to take a Gamble. No one could give me odds on the recent High Court case in India with respect to ownership rights for Hindu and Muslim holy-places, so I couldn't place a bet. It didn't mean I wasn't interested, or even that I wasn't worried about being mulcted, it's just that particular high-wire must be so taught and so high I would have been sliced right through.

Wiff-waff finals: Today @ 2pm. BST

Incredibly America and Great Britain, have not met in the finals of this semi-pro-am tournament, nor was it ever likely. Wimbledon bid to host the finals, this later being consumed by the corruption scandals. The outer Parisian subburb of Chorleton-cum-Hardy win now Host the Silver Cup.

Will Eric beat Larry to a pulp, squashing his fetid little corpse into a pox ridden hole, or Page thrash Schmidt using daring turns and twist, backed up with a back-hand as vicious as the legendry Tommy ack-ack gun?

Tune in live at 2pm. to find out. Ask at your local police station to provide precise time zone co-ordinates.

Watch out for violence - non predicted as yet.

Paddy Powers is offering 4/1 on a U.S.A. Victory, Ahoy shipmates!

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Thought for the Day

Education:
In a pupil/teacher relationship, only one can learn. 
It is not the pupil.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Tuesday child is ...

A quick tip for Global Jihadists, and/or mental health patients who might suffer from 'a slight muzziness'.

I had quite a break-through yesterday, in my campaign to avoid a 'flame war' developing between the Universal Church of the Orthodox Spaghetti Monster fans, and the Royal College of Psychiatrists' now sadly defunct yoga club.

The thing is, learn to tread very carefully as soon as you realise that your position is extremely finely balanced. My wife tends to type articles in longhand first, then slash and burn the deadwood out of her essays at a later date. I, on the other hand, being a philosophical tight-rope walker, logician, and the world's first semi-professional scientist in the emerging discipline of wobble-om-metry (whilst always reserving the right to be a pedant and games-master) tend to blunder in and type with the precision of a blunder-bus. Both disciplines have their merits, learn to spot the difference with ease. I find that distractions can help. If your problem is mental in nature, try a spot of golf, if it's physical, theology might help. I used to play a bit of football whilst studying at university; the divinity colleges nearly always had the most aggressive sportsmen. They knew they we're right!

There's always enough common humanity kicking around to let people enjoy a bit of reverse polarity from time to time. Didn't you ever play games whilst you were in the cubs or the brownies? Game on!

In closing, if Freud thought that religion was an illusion, why did he claim that he could predict the future of it? I haven't read his book on the subject, just yet (nor have I asked him to sign it), but there's no reason to think it doesn't contain interesting insights, or knowledge, that might be useful elsewhere. Alternatively, pondering on what your own particular Nemesis might do in the same situation, is always instructive.